Most of my life I have been trying to quiet my mind. It's noisy. I think a lot of thoughts, I notice a lot of details, and my mind gets cluttered with ideas and questions. One of the ways I have always dealt with this mind clutter is by finding beautiful quotes that speak to my situation. I don't know why words became my safe haven, but I have loved other people's words from a very young age. Mostly, I think I find comfort in the fact that someone else said the words that I'm feeling, and in the tiniest way, I know I'm not alone.
The last few years I started posting some of the quotes I love on my Facebook. I didn't have any intentions when I first started doing this, but I think I continued it for a few reasons.
1) It helps me process, combing through quote after quote to find the perfect one, and then sharing it with others because I believe in the words.
2) I think sometimes other people need them too.
I've gotten some questions and comments about the content I post online. People wonder if I'm depressed, they say I need to be happier, they say I need to quit being sad. And all of these concerns are probably valid, I don't know, but when I hear them my immediate response is to close myself off because "no one understands." Which I guess to an extent is true, that they don't understand, but that's okay. That's the point of community, isn't it? That's the point of being a human. To misunderstand, but to accept anyway; to misunderstand, but to love anyway.
The truth is I just love beautiful words. Sometimes beautiful words are sad, sometimes they are encouraging, and sometimes they are a hopeful kind of sad, a sad that trusts it's going to be okay.
Truth is not always pleasant, and beauty is rarely painless. And I just believe in showing every side of myself. I believe there's beauty in admitting you're scared or hurting or confused. I believe there's beauty in saying that you feel tired, but you're not giving up. On social media, where comparison rules, and it seems everyone has a better life than you, I think it's brave to be honest about your bad days. People need to know they aren't alone in their hurt. Don't get me wrong, it's just as important to show the world your good days too, everyone needs to smile. I'm just saying that maybe we shouldn't dismiss or repress the sad, the questions, and the confusion. Maybe someone needs to know that they don't have to be ashamed for what they're feeling.
Have I been depressed? Yes. Have I struggled with anxiety, stress, fear? Yes. Have I struggled but come out smiling? Yes. This is why I write what I write, and why I post the words that I post. My hope is that I can help someone else come out smiling too. We're all in this life together. It's messy and painful, but it is so beautiful.