i don't know

I've been going through this thing recently. It started out as this idea that I needed to change my blog name from SarahIsReading because I realized I wanted to write about more than just books. I wanted this to be a place where I can write about other things that I love as well, like travel. I also wanted it to be a place I could write out my thoughts, whatever they may be. Then it turned into this idea that I needed to build this blog to be my platform, whatever that means. I became obsessed with the details revolving around this blog. I got it in my head that I needed to change the name altogether, possibly change my name altogether. And now I'm just somewhere between restless and confused.

I think most of my planning, most of my stalling, most of my obsessing on these details, is mainly due to the fact that I don't know what I have to offer. Or rather, I'm scared I have nothing to offer. I dream of writing a book, but what right do I have to say anything? What do I have to say that hasn't been said before, and probably been said much more eloquently? I haven't been abused, neglected, or rejected. My story isn't that interesting.

I grew up in a great family; have always been around great people. I've been privileged. I've never gone without. I am 25 now. I'm married to a person who loves me when I don't deserve it. I am part of such a beautiful community of people who are like family. I have shelter, clothing, a vehicle, food to eat, and so many other unnecessary things. While so many go to bed at night cold, I have 4 coats hanging in my spare closet. (Which reminds me, let's all donate a coat this year. Winter is harsh enough as it is.) I don't have a past, I don't have a compelling story.

But I know what it's like to go to bed at night wishing you wouldn't wake up the next day. This world is sometimes a difficult place to live. I am a broken person who doesn't always get it right. I mess things up, a lot. But what I'm trying to learn, what I've been learning, is that I have a story that is worth telling. I have a voice. And I hope one day it will be a voice that helps people understand they aren't alone in their fight, whatever that fight may be.

I have a story, and it's mine, and it is always worth sharing. So is yours.

JournalSarah JensenComment