what we're searching for
i've had the same dream at least fifteen times in the last two months.
i'm in England, in one of those small towns with cottages and cobblestone streets. and as i'm walking through the streets it begins to rain, a torrential downpour. and instead of running for shelter, i take off the hood of my raincoat, lift my face to the sky, and laugh.
then i wake up.
in this dream that i know is not real, i am the happiest i've ever been. i have found bliss.
i don't know if this dream means anything or not. i don't know if i should take it literally - that my bliss is somewhere in England in an unknown town (though i secretly think it is) or if the dream is there to tell me that the feeling i'm searching for is available to me.
all i know is that i have never been completely satisfied with where i'm at in life. it's difficult for me to find contentment in the present when my future is so idealized and my past so romanticized in my mind.
but i know i want that feeling i keep encountering in my dreams. i want bliss.