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writer, youtuber, and podcaster based in new york city.

i love reading, writing, travel, blurry photos, and anything that makes me feel something.

 

you still have time

you still have time

September is quickly approaching and we are entering glorious fall and then dreaded winter. Last year around this time i was feeling incredibly motivated and inspired. We had moved to New York in June and everything was so new and exciting. i created a goals magazine and felt so ready to take on 2018 and make it mine. But then a few things happened:

1. i accepted a contract job at a company, which was a great learning experience and a much needed opportunity. But i didn't do a great job of managing my time and fell behind on all of the personal projects i was working on and inevitably lost motivation.

2. Winter. i thought i had prepared myself for the New York winters. i knew they could be rough, but i grew up in Oklahoma, and it's not like Oklahoma hasn't had some difficult winter months. But it got me anyway. The winter was brutal. And, something i hadn't prepared for, it got dark by 4 p.m. or 4:30 p.m. every day. 

The short story is i fell into depression. At first i thought it was seasonal affective disorder, but once spring came, then summer, it didn't improve. i gained some weight, i was always tired no matter how much i slept, and nothing interested me. And i've spent the last month clawing my way out. i've been focusing on changing the way i talk to myself, i've been doing more self care things, i've been choosing to be proud of the small things i've accomplished instead of beating myself up because i should have done more.

i pulled out my goals magazine last week and starting looking through what i had hoped to accomplish this year and realized: i still have time. It's only August. We still have four months left in 2018, and a lot can happen in four months. 

Depression isn't fun, and sometimes you're in the middle of it and can't see the end. In July i wrote my depression a little note that's helped me slowly get better: "for 7 months you have won. it's my turn now." It's your turn too. Maybe you got knocked down a bit, or maybe you just lost track of what you had hoped for this year. That's okay, because you still have time. You can still make progress.

i finally got a gym membership. i finally ordered a piano keyboard to relearn how to play. And i finally started exploring what it might look like to share poetry with you guys. All things i had planned doing in the first month of the year, but guess what? i'm doing them now. 

 

5 books for your fall reading list!

5 books for your fall reading list!

a love letter to new york

a love letter to new york