you still have time

September is quickly approaching and we are entering glorious fall and then dreaded winter. Last year around this time i was feeling incredibly motivated and inspired. We had moved to New York in June and everything was so new and exciting. i created a goals magazine and felt so ready to take on 2018 and make it mine. But then a few things happened:

1. i accepted a contract job at a company, which was a great learning experience and a much needed opportunity. But i didn't do a great job of managing my time and fell behind on all of the personal projects i was working on and inevitably lost motivation.

2. Winter. i thought i had prepared myself for the New York winters. i knew they could be rough, but i grew up in Oklahoma, and it's not like Oklahoma hasn't had some difficult winter months. But it got me anyway. The winter was brutal. And, something i hadn't prepared for, it got dark by 4 p.m. or 4:30 p.m. every day. 

The short story is i fell into depression. At first i thought it was seasonal affective disorder, but once spring came, then summer, it didn't improve. i gained some weight, i was always tired no matter how much i slept, and nothing interested me. And i've spent the last month clawing my way out. i've been focusing on changing the way i talk to myself, i've been doing more self care things, i've been choosing to be proud of the small things i've accomplished instead of beating myself up because i should have done more.

i pulled out my goals magazine last week and starting looking through what i had hoped to accomplish this year and realized: i still have time. It's only August. We still have four months left in 2018, and a lot can happen in four months. 

Depression isn't fun, and sometimes you're in the middle of it and can't see the end. In July i wrote my depression a little note that's helped me slowly get better: "for 7 months you have won. it's my turn now." It's your turn too. Maybe you got knocked down a bit, or maybe you just lost track of what you had hoped for this year. That's okay, because you still have time. You can still make progress.

i finally got a gym membership. i finally ordered a piano keyboard to relearn how to play. And i finally started exploring what it might look like to share poetry with you guys. All things i had planned doing in the first month of the year, but guess what? i'm doing them now.